Thursday, 12 November 2015

Dear Rejection...

Dear Rejection,
       I am sitting in tears, on your battlefield.    The damage of your name is incredible. The power of your work, feels unstoppable.   I can see that you have risen up on the journey from one home to another... You are written on the backs of those who walk away... Stamped Boldly on the foreheads of those who should love us forever... and didn't!  It's hard not to label you human, but you aren't.. you are a spiritual attack that sits in the void between hearts....

    Rejection, you are selfish and ugly.  The one you torment sits broken in my living room... I often hear the  screams of your inflicted pain.   You leave eyes saddened, and empty, void of life.... I see fear in those beautiful brown eyes, that we may walk away.   The scars on the hearts of those you touch,  are held tight ... they fester insecurity....  You are a thief, taking worth, faith and trust.   You try to disguise yourself in the faces we love......

    I stand in the wake of your storm... I survey all the damages.. and it feels so surreal.  You are a tsunami to the heart... A massacre to the soul... I try to revive trust,  breathing words of love, deep into her lungs...  but you are ringing in her ears, like a grenade.   I promise that my back will never turn, but is that enough?    I hold her close, and cry, praying that trust will be restored....   Courage & Joy are no longer recognizable...they rise and fall off rhythm.  The are mangled and unrecognizable.  Beside me is Faith, shattered to pieces...Refusing to be touched.... Every piece is filled with unbearable pain.... Confidence is fighting for air,  shoulders slumped, eyes do the same.  I desperately want to revive Dreams that lay lifeless in the dirt around me..... As I carry Brokenness  to the cross, I see Hope, staring off into the sky- I search for life... I know it's there, so I take Hope's hand.  Imagination, has been pierced, I watch as she tries to dance in the battle field, but keeps tripping over the trauma surrounding her.   Logic is struggling, damaged to the core... repetitive questions circulating, creating confusion and frustration.  Tears stream down the face of Love, as she reaches for my hand... I draw her in close and begin to rock her.... Rejection, you are like a battlefield... in the wake of your storm, I am left picking up all the pieces of the one I love.

You are a consequence of a choice, she had no part.  You are cruel, and relentless.  Your aftermath is severed attachment, night terrors, and rages .... Each crushing step you take, sprays like graffiti to the heart...ABANDONED, REJECTED, UNWORTHY, FORGOTTEN, HOPELESS, DAMAGED......  You are the monster that calls us down, shrinks our place.  You leave twisted lies in the hearts you touch... You steal worth,  trust and security.  You shatter dreams, steal hope.  You leave us broken, fearful to love, for we never know when you will attack again.  You attempt to conquer the heart of your prey....... Robbing far more than was ever deemed yours.  

SHAME ON YOU!!!!.   Shame on you for declaring one's worth.  Shame on you for stealing one's joy.. Shame on you for deeming one less... For leaving confusion & doubt.  Rejection you sit in the gap between hearts... taunting our value- But our value doesn't lie within you.. it lies in HIM <3

When I hear the anguish of a rejection cry, I fight hating you.  It's hard for me not to put a face to your name...  It's hard not to scream at those who walked away... Except you are not a battle of flesh... It's a war to be won on my knees....using compassion & grace <3

I look at the battlefield, it is familiar... I have been here before... This time I am not afraid, because I know who goes before me...... I know the author of this story...  He is good, kind and faithful.  With His bucket of redemption and the sponge of His grace, I begin to wash the graffiti from her heart... and I whisper truth...CHOSEN, DELIGHTFUL,  LOVED, BEAUTIFUL, PURPOSE, PRECIOUS,  CALLED, DAUGHTER, ....

I look at the little life, so precious and small curled up in my arms... I don't understand how people walk away.... My heart aches to do this life together... How could anyone not want to see this face... To forfeit the invitation to walk through life beside this little one... It's a choice I don't carry, one I can't understand.. but I will never close the door ... My heart will never grow cold... I refuse to let anger or bitterness stand in my midst.   Love rises up in me, the most familiar breath I take... I don't need to understand every part of the story...  I see you rejection, as you rise from these ashes and I forbid you from influencing these hearts... We walk with love & grace..  I will stand in that gap, I will not grow weary, for He holds me... I will sing His song over them... I will kiss each wound one by one... I will speak truth into them every day for as long as I live.. I will pray endlessly, relentlessly that all you have taken will be given back..  I will love them richly, and you will grow faint...  As I sweep up the brokenness, and carry each hurt...  A folded paper flutters from the railing above, landing where I stand...

 'Dear mom I xoxox you I love when you spend time with me. and you are the bestest mom I ever have.

Love K'

Love will always win, she gets that...
Rejection your darkness will be devoured by the light I  hold inside <3  You will not win, for victory is mine...

I look around and take a count of the damages.. My eyes turn to heaven, to the ONE who directs my steps.... I look into the eyes of Love as she lays sprawled, exhausted on my lap... I touch her hair & feel it's beauty.  Every hug, every prayer, every bedtime story & giggle over ice cream breathe life back into her soul.....I know the road to healing is long... With our tear streaked faces,  we have stood up... we are holding hands and  we are dusting you off....

a forever mom


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Eddie said...

Cool post! :)

Eddie said...

I forgot to say that I totally feel the same way sometimes

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