Wooden Bench Prayer

Summer started in the similar fashion as years past.  We were thrilled to be out of school- our plan was to bask in the sun.. to love each day given to us...
Excited to spend the first week of July at bible camp- life seemed pretty normal. 
Each morning I sat with my little ones through their service.   Separating the boys from the girls, had Lina a tad nervous about sitting solo, so I became her side-kick.  

I can't say sitting on the hard wooden bench was my favorite, but watching her swirl through the songs & absorb the stories was sensational.  At one particular service, Lina pointed out a little girl sitting on the bench in front of us.  She had rich brown skin & a little ball of curls bound tightly on her head.  Lina whispered into my ear "I wish she was my sister"...

My daughter, my precious daughter... this was just one more reminder of the struggle we had seen unfold in her life over the past year.  Random comments about wishing she 'had blonde hair... blue eyes... white skin" ... were all too familiar at our house.   I want my girls to embrace who they are.   However, it's a territory I lack the art of words.... 'This is who God made you... you are so beautiful'- the 'GO be HAPPY!!' chat,  wouldn't satisfy her soul.  it's far greater than the 'embrace yourself' talk... It's deeper.   Her words reveal she really is craving someone to match her.. Someone with matching hair, matching skin... Someone with matching beauty to affirm hers.. <3  My response felt her need,  "wouldn't that be fantastic... a sister <3"... Before I could finish my sentence, the girl at the front closed with this  invitation 'let's get into small groups, and pray about whatever is on your heart' ...

Well, I'd be lying if I thought that moment in time would have any affect on my life.  But I took her little hand, and prayed  something like this ' Lord, I know you know Lina's heart... and sometimes it's hard to not have a sister who matches you... so IF it's your will , then send us a sister... if this is what Lina needs to be the women you are calling her to be... IF having a sister creates a bridge to You.. makes her feel more part of this family... Then we are open to it... BUT if that is not Your plan, then send a woman into our lives that can mentor her heart.. show her who she is in You...  and Teach me how to fill these voids."  we released hands and went off to lunch.
Each day, Lina watched this little girl with awe... She didn't want to sit by her.. But I could see her eyes watching her every move....

My heart started to feel her need... a sister wasn't an option.  I hadn't really made time in my life for friends, but I was starting to realize that I needed a very specific friend... Chosen with purpose.. Names started dancing in my head.... I felt the press to pray for this need within my girl.  My heart began aching for her... I have grown in a world of matching, from my mom to Taylor-  we are relentlessly called out on our matching ...  reminding Lina- she doesn't.

... I started to have dreams about a little girl God was aligning as sister for Lina... which led to a FB post scolding Mr. Sandman... reminding him that we were DONE having children.  If questioned on increasing our numbers, I would always respond that unless a child was placed on our doorstep papers signed, it wasn't in the cards for us.... I shared briefly, my thoughts with my mother, who jumped right into Lina's prayer wagon.... TRAITOR!!!

It was a Tuesday, and this little plee from her heart... seemed to sit in mine.  So I made one simple call- CAS (christian adoption services) and prayed a simple prayer that day as we drove to Edmonton.  "God, I am so thankful for the children you have placed in my heart.  You know the needs that surround us.  If there is a little girl in this world that needs 'US' to call out the woman You desire her to be, IF there is a girl that would benefit from what our family has to offer, then my heart is open to Your will.. I am your servant...'
I carefully explained to Lina, that God doesn't always give us the desires of our hearts, and that in those moments He still has a plan...  I talked to the director of the agency in which all our children were placed... I didn't give her details, nor did I mention a daughter anxious for a sister.. I just told her we were possibly open to adoption.  I explained that we were not prepared or on a list... that maybe we were interested in "2nd chance' adoptions.   I asked a few questions, hoping to gain an 'answer' for the little ears listening intently in the back seat.  She told me, thankfully, it is very rare, but I could go ahead and submit a little letter about our family, and she would keep me posted.

I hung up.. and moved on.. I had 'done my part'... and completely 'forgot' to submit an email. 
Just over 2wks later, sitting at the table, Lina inquired, 'Did you make the call about my sister?" (as if the mail-order-sister program was a common process).
The truth was, I didn't write down the email address, nor did I really want to send in a little note about our family. 
Sigh... so I did it... I made the call that would change our lives FOREVER!!! I called back to get an email address.  I have heard people talk about 'not wanting to attend church, but found themselves in a bench... Certain they didn't want to accept Jesus, but found their hand raised or mess of tears at the alter of invitation... ALL AGAINST THEIR WILL!!!  Well, here I was, having that very same experience.. I was jumping through hoops, without really considering the outcome... I really just wanted to enjoy the sun.  Adding to our family, was not in my radar.. it literally was a hoop to tell my daughter 'I tried...I heard your heart and did my part'... then pass the blame off on her creator.. "He doesn't always give us what we ask for..... Awe, that's too bad, now let's go to the river-'
So rewind back to.. 'I made the call', for an email inquiry... To my surprise the director said, "Hey, you never emailed me, so I emailed you.  You didn't get it?." ..... So I did the unthinkable.. I opened an email, sent the day AFTER my phone call(2wks earlier)... and there is was the answer to a little prayer on a wooden church bench...
" we have a little girl we are lookin to place, she if from Haiti"... I began to cry... partly out of fear 'WHAT HAD I JUST DONE... and partly out of... 'GOD, YOU HAVE WILD SENSE OF HUMOR... and mostly out of ' YOU LITERALLY HEARD THAT PRAYER, I WASN'T SERIOUS... HOW COULD YOU TAKE ME SERIOUS???'... I was shaking  & my words were spilling out faster than I could process, shocking she didn't think I was on something illegal ... I listened as she explained that one hour after I called, they received a call about this little girl... This was suppose to be rare... like NEVER happens... And here I was in the midst of the HAPPENING!.. WHY? because time and time again, I see that God has a different plan for our lives... and I know from experience He is in the business of  building family... more specifically OUR FAMILY =D
to be cont.... <3